Outer Space Endorses Cain for President
As the terrestrial denizens of planet Earth eagerly await the day they can finally scratch that voting itch which has been festering since the last American Idol, outer space has sent a clear message -- literally:
BEGIN TRANSMISSION.
NO TO OBAMA. STOP.
NO TO MCCAIN. STOP.
YES TO CAIN. STOP.
P.S. TELL MOMMA BESSIE DIED.
END TRANSMISSION.
The last-minute missive, received by the supercomputer Commodore 40K at NASA's Houston base, refers to outer space's endorsement of Cain, the infamous law-enforcement cyborg who caused a nationwide scandal after his battle with RoboCop in Old Detroit.
A former nuke addict, Cain was rehabilitated -- and extropied -- into RoboCop's successor, fueled by the liberal supply of Detroit's favorite narcotic. His clash with RoboCop caused over $10 million in damages and shamed Omni Consumer Products (OCP), the company responsible for Cain's design.
"Despite the blemishes in Cain's political history, we believe he possesses qualities superior to both Republican Senator John Mccain and Democratic Senator Barack Obama. Cain is ageless, raceless, and un-assassinatable," according to a press release from OCP.
But Cain's murky beginnings as a corporate-sponsored drug lord have already been brought into the spotlight.
"I ask you: can we trust our country to a cyborg that doesn't run on steam power?" Senator John Mccain implored.
"You know, I don't know. You know, he's weird looking," accused Senator Obama.
Calls to Cain's offices were not immediately returned.
